August 30, 2024
An old memory….It’s felt like a long week. We’re headed back to main again today for an endocrinology appointment. We hit 3 of the big 5 in specialists this week and it hasn’t been all easy.
This memory…after 36 days in the hospital with no resolution in sight, I remember clinging to my faith. A space that seems harder to get to these days. Thanking God that he doesn’t give up on us so easily and for his continued Grace.
***
Day 36:
“Grace means that when God calls you, he goes with you supplying what you need for the task at hand.” New Morning Mercies devotional.
This is how I started my day today. Today felt long and routine and defeating. I don’t want to be here anymore. And I don’t want what comes with not being here. I don’t feel like I have it in me. I know Tate and Tim feel the same. Yet, God continues to give us what we need.
Two days ago Tate and I were disappointed when we heard the voice of one of our favorite nurses in the hall yet were assigned someone new. Tim later handed me a devotional book that was gifted to me (thank you Jill Prahl ) and our new nurse said, “Oh, that’s really good….one of my favorites.” God showing up.
Yesterday, I was in tears with frustration and fatigue and left the room for a break. Two doors down was an NP from North campus infusion center that I love and respect. She doesn’t typically work here and was coming from that room at that moment as an add on to her day. She gave me a hug and said she’d try to stop by the following day. Two minutes later she was back and said she felt like she should stay. She sat with me and listened and validated and was the familiar face and heart I needed. God showing up.
Last Sunday I was missing my church family and our Sunday routine. Feeling a little lost that the world keeps turning without us outside of here. The new NP on Tates pain team came in, pulled up a chair and proceeded to share how her husband is a pastor and working Sundays is hard because SHE misses being his sidekick and to worship with her kids. God showing up.
A GI Dr. whom we’d never met (and haven’t seen again,) came back to our room post care conference and said, I noticed your shirt (blessed,) and Tates necklace (cross) and the picture on her box (cross) and thought of you after hearing her story. I think this song will speak to you like it does me. (Hillsong-Highlands) God showing up.
He is everywhere and everything, exactly when I need it. He is Grace. Thank you Lord for always giving me what I need. See him. He sees you.