April 12, 2025
Day 72
4/12/25
Saturday. 85 degrees, sunny, the air smelled like Spring. Felt like summer outside. Inside, the day felt heavy.
3 years ago my memories are of day 100 something inpatient and about 5 weeks post bone marrow transplant. So much suffering Tate was still enduring, but there was so much optimism that her future days would be a chance to live like other teens. She’d go to school, get her drivers license and do all the things most teens take for granted. We don’t often pause to sit in the loss. We have so much to be thankful for. But you can have gratitude and grief at the same time too.
Yesterday, pain team met with the hospital team. No changes were made other than officially putting iv dilaudid back on Tates MAR for PT support. Tate needed this extra support, but it unfortunately doesn’t get us closer to home. Im still hopeful for before Easter. Tim navigated a tough day yesterday while i went home for the first time since january.
Tate walked down the hallway today. It was painful, and not easy for her, but she did it with only grimaces and stiff movements. She’s working hard to get home. She’s also working hard to deal with the emotions that come with this major setback. We don’t know if this increased pain will go away, but we will continue to hope.
X-ray today to make sure Tates pain pump and catheter are still where they should be. They are.