Transplant +10
Day 73
Transplant +10
ICU Day 5
Thank you prayer warriors! Prayer works not always in the ways we ask, but God is ever present, and all does work for our good.
Yesterday was one of the most exhausting days I can recall in a long time. The day continued to deteriorate as time went on. The ketamine was shut off and we slowly started to see Tate come back. A sedation med Tate is on was increased, a couple meds she’s had before changed from PRN (as needed) to scheduled. Tate slept for a bit and woke a different person. Agitated, restless, in pain and distraught. She was hallucinating and delirious; Non compliant and mean. I was unable to leave her sight all day as she was just confused and terrified and hurting.
Pain and lack of sleep can cause delirium and hallucinations; so can med reactions. We haven’t been able to tease out if something is causing this or if it’s an organic reaction to the stress her body is under. Tates muscles are firing causing twitching and more pain and her brain is unable to relax. Delirium can be the brains way of escaping pain.
The amount of sedation medication Tate is on is what they use for intubation yet Tate remained awake, agitated, in extreme pain and vitals were even all stable minus high BP. They were fearful of her SATs dropping and her needing to be intubated, yet she remains at 95%. Once again, she writes her own chapter.
Last night they did come up with a new med to prayerfully help her sleep and Thank God it worked! Although still restless, she slept a bit between 10:30-2 AM. And I finally slept too.
Tate woke today still hallucinating and delirious. She has moments of lucidity, but it’s often mixed with whatever carries over from a dream state. She bounces between rainbow streamers and glitter hanging from the ceiling to warning me of robbers in room xyz. We were able to continue the new med today which made the day mostly more manageable and a bit more restful for her. The pain continues to be terrible. With nothing more to offer for pain besides time (white counts improving,) sleep is the only escape. We are seeking it in any safe way she can get it.
Today I was able to get a shower and say goodbye to Drew before he heads back to college in MN. Hugging Tim and my bigs today brought tears and a bit of peace and normalcy. God brings comfort through family but also so many others. Another BMT mama friend showed up with two meals and chocolate, knowing I couldn’t leave yesterday to get food. A BMT attending shared a personal example to show understanding and share hope. A senior resident handed me coffee on his way to see another patient and tells me that he prays for Tate with his kids at night. And all of you who are praying for Tate and are part of the Tate’s Tribe family.
Through all the exhaustion and sadness and feelings of despair, God provides. With tired eyes, I see the reminders of his presence through every step. Thank you for being part of this journey.❤️🩹